I'll spend my whole life on my iPhone if I want and screw you

Published on 25 August 2013

I'm going to rant a bit. Just a little, like this, in passing. As the years go by, accompanied by a strong surge of digital modernity, you run into more and more people, on the street, at home, at work, at the café, eyes glued to their cell phones. For hours on end, like zombies, scanning their Facebook notifications, posting photos of their noodles on Instagram, desperately trying to get past level 65 of Candy Crush (hi the Mormon), filming their concerts with their phones, and all sorts of joys of the kind.

Okay. Fine.

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU CARE WHAT I DO WITH MY PHONE, YOU ONE-EYED WITCH.

And if I want to film my cat licking its belly for 2 hours, and if I want to take 400 photos a day and spend my day liking naked chicks on Instagram, how does that bother you, you piece-of-crap jerk?

Do I come and bug you when you spend every Sunday morning buying furniture that reeks of death at disgusting flea markets? Do I come and hassle you when you spend your evenings in the toilets of lame bars pissing out the 12 liters of beer you downed all night?

And when you spend ALL your evenings watching disgusting DivX rips of crappy US series, do I come and hassle you?

One day, an acquaintance, reeking of alcohol, says to me, as we're leaving one of those pointless bars the common folk are so fond of: "what you're doing is disrespectful!"

Baffled, I ask her what she's talking about, and this dim-witted fool replies, and I quote:

"Yeah, don't you feel like you're being disrespectful looking at your phone while we're having a drink? I think it's disrespectful!"

In the moment, I didn't really have a reaction, you know, you never have the right comeback at the right time… I just told her that I liked keeping up with what my friends were doing on their own vacations, that connecting with people who are thousands of miles away made me happy, and there you go.

What I should have added is this: "Maybe you're just not interesting enough for me to put my phone down, you idiot?"

Because yes, given the choice between listening to you talk, you with your Get27-reeking face, and looking at the pretty beach photos of my friends on vacation, I choose option 2. And screw you.

Generally speaking, letting people live their lives, and take pleasure however they see fit, is good too. The other day I saw the Mormon watching the videos she took of the Eminem concert on her iPhone, and well, even though I never do that, I found it cute, it reminds her of the concert, and it's her own way of enjoying things. And you know what? I love scrolling back through my own Instagram timeline to see the stuff I was eating a year ago. That's how it is, that's life, and if you're not happy, well shove your Nokia 3310 up your ass, and go screw yourself.

Best regards.

Photo credit: AI-generated illustration

By Paingout